Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
