there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
