If i come over, it means nothing
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
