Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
