And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
sex in a hospital.. check
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
