I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I party with great urgency now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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