just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
