you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
