They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
