Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
