I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
