I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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