my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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