My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
