PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
