life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
