I heard we made out
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
