You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
