Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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