my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
