Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
