I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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