Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
