You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
