hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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