Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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