Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
