when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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