I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
