He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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