I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
