Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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