What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's blow job season.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
