Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
