2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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