My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
