11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
