Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
