we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
