I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
