I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
