a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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