My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
