dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
