the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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