guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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