he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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