There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
