look no pants
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
