Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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