we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
