i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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