I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
A+ Viking dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
